Breaking
by starglow71
Summary: AU. Sam is breaking under his Hell memories after the Wall comes down. Dean is breaking because Sam is breaking and Bobby well he is breaking because the boys are breaking. An old friend intervenes and offers a solution that could fix them all.Wincest
1. Breaking

Sam and Dean's souls were soul-mates so this was another take on how to tweak that into a very unique story plot that would fix both of them as they were hurting after Cas went insane at the end of Season 6.

It's a sort of death fic but not really. It's a happily forever kind of fic now.

Warning: Schmoop and Wincest follow, kinda. Some language because face it, Dean is having a rough time at the moment.

You have to read to find out why its only kind of Wincesty. I'm not telling you anything else. Lol!

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Sam wasn't getting better, if anything, he was worse. His seizures were killing him and breaking more nerve endings every time. He was hardly ever lucid anymore and was often lost in his own mind. Cas had done him so wrong, Dean thought now, he had stood by him, trusted him, and he destroyed his brother!

He wished for a way to kill him now. He wished the new God would drop dead from all the damned souls he refused to let go of. He wanted them, he could have them! The cold emotionless dick!

More than anything, more than revenge and more than one more lucid moment for Sammy, more than anything, he just wanted Sammy back, whole and complete, the way he was before jumping into the damn hole. He saved the world and what did he get!

Broken.

Dean cried to the sky and did not pray.

He felt his heart breaking and did not pray.

Heaven could go to Hell as far as he was concerned.

Xxxxxx

The sun shown through the window, hitting Sam's eyes, stinging, burning. He sat up and saw he wasn't in his room, he wasn't in Hell, and had time to think, where was he? Before he saw the being sitting in the chair by his bed.

He would know that brown mop of hair and chocolate eyes anywhere. The concerned and worried expression was new though. It was as if the Archangel had lost his usual lust for a laugh.

"Gabriel?" Sam said, looking around the shiny room, the overly bright sunlight through Gossamer curtains. He didn't know this room.

"Sam! You're awake! I was unsure bringing you here would work." Gabriel said motioning to the room's interior, "You like?" He attempted a smile now that his charge was awake.

"Where am I?" Sam asked, confused, not used to being lucid and thinking clearly. He had been really messed up before.

"My head." Gabriel said, smiling softly. "This is the room I created for myself in Heaven, and now it is in my head, a memory. I brought you here to talk." He fixed the blanket around his friend, helping him sit up, the light dimming a little. "Sorry, I forgot humans aren't used to true heavenly light like I am. Sorry, Sam. Is that better?"

"Yes, thanks." Sam looked at the Angel sitting on his bed, watching him, making sure he was thinking clearly.

"I need to tell you something. You won't like it." Gabriel said sadly, "I have to do this. I owe you guys big time, you were my friends." He looked down, sighing. He didn't have many 'friends' least of all ones that would go to the mat for him like the Winchesters had.

"What is it?" Sam asked, Gabriel's face was tragic now. Sam was worried now.

"You die in a few days. I have to wait until your soul unattaches before doing what I mean to do. The connection will not lock in if I don't." Gabriel said, eying his friend will concern. "It isn't exactly forbidden here and well, you two are technically soulmates so I'm not doing anything your souls won't naturally do anyway." He squirmed in his seat now, Sam was clearly coming up with questions now.

"Dean is breaking, isn't he?" Sam asked sadly, he noticed it a few times in his infrequent lucid moments before, Dean breaking and not hiding it well, normal Dean behavior. Self-destructive but yes, Dean's favorite behavior. Next to protecting Sammy, which he couldn't do, which is why he was breaking. Sam realized their lives had always seemed to have been one long snake eating itself then recreating itself then eating itself again. Neverending turmoil. One continuous painful mess.

"Yes, he will not last long when you pass. I have to help him, and you." Gabriel said softly, watching Sam attentively. "He needs you to live, Sam, it's the nature of your connection, so to speak. You're the same way about him really."

Sam realized Gabriel was right; that's what they did, what had driven them to this messed up place they were in now.

"What are you going to do?" Sam said firmly, making up his mind to help Dean, even if it killed him, which ironically enough it was.

"Join you two, a little earlier than usually happens but, oh well." Gabriel smiled at Sam grimace, "It won't hurt, Sam, it will make you both feel better actually." Sam looked more hopeful now, he was glad.

"What do I have to do?" Sam asked, willing do anything for Dean.

"Wait. Like I said, you haven't died yet. I can't do anything until then. Death signed off on this, don't worry, no reapers are coming for you." Gabriel said sitting down again, sipping a milkshake. One appeared before Sam. He took a tentative sip and decided to keep drinking it.

"How long?" Sam pushed, worried about Dean.

"Not long, they are taking you to the hospital now. You will be on a ventilator for a day or two until you pass. You are currently brain-dead. Between the grande mal seizures and the Hell stuff, your mind broke and died last night. Sorry, Sam." Gabriel looked on softly smiling, "I am monitoring it as we speak, Angel mojo, remember?" He flashed a crooked smile at Sam, trying to ease his discomfort.

"Dean must be devastated! Bobby too!" Sam cried but did not get up. Gabriel was right, he should wait.

"They are, I despise seeing this pain in my friends but Cas is monitoring you guys and I can't let him find us yet. He will not like this." Gabriel said sadly, his little brother was gone, leaving behind a monster wearing his face and it hurt to think about.

Gabriel's face suddenly stood rapt in attention then sagged, he began to sob and cry out, NoNONONo!

Sam got up and went to him. He held his friend, his Archangel friend as his heart broke. "What is it? What's wrong? Is it me? Is it the others?" Sam asked urgently, something was really wrong with Gabriel.

"It's Castiel." Gabriel sobbed out, clinging to Sam, "He's dead. Father smote him. The souls are back where they belong. My brother is lost!" He continued to sob for the brother he once was not the new God he had become. One of their frends, Pamela, had once said "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions." And she had been right. Castiel started out with good intentions, but then came Crowley and then Raphael and he was corrupted. He had fought it of course but had lost in the end, no longer even able to recall love or friendship, just power and misplaced pride.

He stood up now, taking Sam's hand, wrapping him in his wings. They suddenly appeared in a field of dandelions and tall grass, a house stood in the middle, ramshackled and wonderful, all at one time. They walked through the field, Sam letting his hands pass along the tips of the grass and dandelions crushing under his feet. He knew this memory and wondered whose it was.

"It's Dean's memory." Gabriel informed him smiling more now. "He is remembering something, something special to him." He liked it here, it was peaceful.

"It's when we first met Bobby. Dad brought us here for a few days when he was hunting Yellow eyes. We played in a creek inside those trees over there, and played with the dogs, there in those little doghouses. It's the first time we felt like we had a real home after our Mom died in the fire." Sam recalled sadly, of course Dean would cling to this one, it was their most precious shared memory after all.

Sure enough, there were the two boys walking up to the porch and a man opened the door, Bobby, so much younger then.

"Does he feel us in here?" Sam had to ask, shouldn't someone feel when you're in their head?

"No, he doesn't. He doesn't know you're not in the body anymore. He is going frantic with grief now. You are almost gone. Wait, the machines are turning off. No machines are breathing for you now." Gabriel grabbed his hand and ran to the boys at top speed, Sam tried to keep up. "Go to him, Sam, the little boy, Dean, show yourself. Make him see you, now."

Sam ran to his brother and tackled him, holding him down as he screamed for help, saying some monster had him, which it probably seemed like. Since this was only a memory, no help was coming anyway.

"It's me, Dean. Sammy, I'm in your head. I just died remember?" He pleaded over and over, reaching out and hoping Dean wasn't too late for this to work. After a bit, and several lengthy narratives that only the real Sam could possible know, Sam saw Dean realized it was him. He got off him and helped him up. The little boy became a man, grown up Dean. Dean looked around puzzled.

"How? Why? Who? How'd you get in here, Sammy?" Dean looked into his face and at his body, finally touching it, checking if he was real.

"I'm real, Dean. Well, I'm my soul actually, not really me, not in my body anymore. That is dead but I'm not, the Me you loved is right here in front of you." Sam said smiling, finally hugging his brother who hugged him back tightly.

"How?" Dean said looking into his brother's face, he looked the same but a little shinier now, peaceful, happier.

"Gabriel, he made a deal with Death. No reaping, just this, here with you." Sam said gently. It felt good seeing Dean again, not breaking, not hurting.

"Gabriel? You're alive?" Dean asked turning to stare at the Archangel who came to stand by him, placing a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Yes, my particles were reformed soon after I died. I was waiting to help you and Sam in Heaven, when Castiel went insane with power." Gabriel looked sad, remembering.

"He killed Sam!" Dean growled, "I'll tear him apart."

"Too late." Gabriel said looking away at a blowing dandelion spore as it floated by. "He is dead. Father smote him earlier today. He put the souls back and locked the door to Purgatory again." He looked like he wanted to cry again and Dean immediately calmed down. Gabriel had loved his brother like he loved Sam. Cas had once been a good Angel, a good friend, and yes, Gabriel's little brother. He felt like a heel now.

"Sorry, Gabriel, I know you loved him." Dean said gently, trying to calm the Archangel, who seemed to calm as he touched him.

"I did." Gabriel said wiping the tears off his face. He turned to them and turned them to face each other. "Press closed into each other. Press everything that connects together, mouths, arms, and fingers, hold tight. Think of what you love most about each other, no bad things, let that love take over. Do it."

"But he's my brother…" Dean said feeling suddenly awkward. Sam pushed himself into Dean anyway, wrapping his arms tightly around him, let his fingers lock together locking them in place, his lips pressed into Dean's, desperate to do this before their time ran out.

"He was your brother… in this lifetime. In others, and in Heaven, he is your mate, your true half, the other half of you. You need to accept this now or all our hard work will be wasted and Sam will be dragged to Hell again. I don't have much time here." Gabriel pleaded, "Connect with him! Do what I say, or you will lose him to Hell forever."

Dean sighed and let his arms creep around Sam's lean body, pulling him so tight he couldn't breathe, and let his lips soften to Sam's. He felt a new sensation, a love he had never known with Sam in that life, he didn't feel like a brother, he felt like…home. He deepened the kiss and gave in. Soon the pair began to glow, getting brighter, fusing, becoming one again, like they always did at the end of every life they lived on Earth, always together, always belonging to each other. Never anyone else.

The light reached its zenith and burst out in waves around them, Gabriel watched as the memory was gone now, and the two men pulled apart, both glowing brightly, both connected completely. Hell could never reach either of them again. They were safe. They were one again. The way they were meant to be.

They turned to face Gabriel, smiling and holding hands, not wanting to come apart right now. The new feeling of Home filling them still. "What now?" Dean asked, calm now, not remembering what he had been angry about before just knowing he had been… vaguely.

"You will wake up and live out your life on Earth, Dean. Sam's soul here will live inside you as well. You two will share the body. It won't burn it up like demon host's do or Angel hosts. It is for all intensive purposes, your two's body. Your connection will protect it, reinforce it." Gabriel explained, smiling now as Dean pulled Sam into his side, holding him closer.

"Sam will be with me in here, inside my body. His soul, his real literal soul will share the body with my own soul?" Dean looked hopeful now, almost relieved. Sam nodded at him, reassuring him it was true, it was really him and he would be inside him now. Dean smiled and pulled Sam into a deep kiss, pouring his love into it, finally happy, finally free. No more Hell memories, no more seizures, just Sammy, not hurting anymore either of them.

"Forever." Gabriel nodded then smiled one last time, "You will hear him, see him, feel him, talk to him, and sometimes let him use you to move around out there in the world, as you of course. It is a bit like a vessel thing but not quite, it expands past that and beyond anything Heaven or Earth has ever seen. You are complete again, your physical body is the world you will live in together, until you pass on, Dean, then you will both return to your Heaven again, to be reborn. Never as brothers, ever again. Something more suited to your true connection to each other."

"Thank you, Gabriel. For everything, for saving Sammy, for saving me, for…well, everything. " Dean said smiling at his friend and Gabriel smiled back. "I am sorry that things with Castiel went so wrong." He let his head drop, he missed the Cas who had been a good friend to them, a wonderful warrior who had helped them through so much. His little smiles, his awkward attempts to be more human for them, his suit and trenchcoat. Gone like so many dandelion spore floating away on the breeze.

"Thanks, I have to go now. I owed you one." Gabriel said preparing to leave, looking at his friends one last time before departing with the sound of feathers fluttering away.

The men stood thinking, and Dean finally spoke, smiling up at Sam. "We should tell Bobby, about this. He really is taking your loss hard, Sam. I can't leave him like that."

"I know. Will he understand? What if he don't understand? What if he doesn't accept me this way?" Sam worried now and Dean kissed him gently, soothing his fears.

"Bobby wouldn't do that. He's always accepted us as is. This is just another 'as is' moment." Dean shrugged and pulled Sam along to a lit doorway and entered it. They were now looking out Dean's eyes and they were looking at Bobby, crying silently as he stared at Sam's empty shell on the bed.

"Bobby." Sam said using Dean's mouth, Dean's eyes now a green blue hazel, Sam's eyes. The eyes are the windows of the soul, they realized, and Dean's eyes would forever reflect which soul was peeking out of his eyes from now on.

"Dean." Bobby turned to look at Dean and jumped back in shock. Dean's eyes were hazel and concerned. They looked like Sam's eyes not dean's eyes. Bobby sat down into his chair again with a thud.

"No, Bobby, it's Sam…and Dean is here too. We need you to listen. Please, please listen. If you don't like it or can't accept it, we'll never bother you again." Sam eyed the doorway, checking for people coming by. "We don't have much time, they will come to take this body away soon and I won't be able to talk in front of them." Dean took Sam's hand and held it, encouraging him to continue. He would watch for them while they talked.

"Is that really you in there, son? Sam?" Bobby stood up and stared into his eyes and his eyes went wide in surprise. "It is, isn't it?" Sam nodded smiling, feeling free and happy again, no longer sick, no longer in Hell. Bobby pulled him into a hug and Sam let him, hugging him back. Bobby cried into their shoulder and they waited until he had calmed. "But how? " He looked worried now.

"Gabriel." Sam said, Dean stepping forward now too. His eyes becoming an odd mixture of Sam's hazel and his green, mixing, showing they were both peeking out now. Bobby flinched a little at the change. Dean spoke for them, "He joined us, our souls, restored our soul-mate connection, made us one flesh so to speak." Dean smiled and Bobby could see Dean in that smile, both of them in those eyes.

Bobby smiled a huge happy grin now and laughed, hugging him tight again. Happiness poured from him now as he looked at them with joy written there on his face. "I don't care if you both have to share, I am just glad to have you back, Sam. I bet Dean is too."

Dean kissed Sam softly and grinned out at Bobby, "Yes, I am. Although we aren't really brothers anymore, you do understand that, right , Bobby? Our connection is more of a mate connection than the way it used to be. I need you to accept this part, it is the truth that fixed us, fixed Sam." He looked nervous now afraid to approach the older man.

Bobby shook his head and sighed, stupid idjits, if nothing else proved they were both in there, this did! He walked up the boy(s) and look in their eyes. "Let me tell you one more time and not ever again. I am always here for you. You are my family. I don't care if you are like this or getting married in Nevada. You belong here, with me. Nothing will ever change that. How many times do I have to prove that?"

"Sorry, Bobby. This is just a new thing and we were afraid you would freak out and hate us, or something." Sam looked away and squirmed under Bobby's hard look. Bobby had to give it to them, that was definitely Sam behavior there, no doubt about it.

"Well, I can't fault ya for being nervous about it. When did you find out about Gabriel's plan?" Bobby had to ask. They looked happier now, sharing Dean's body like that.

"A little while ago, when I passed out just now." Dean admitted, it had only taken seconds to change but it had felt like it had taken so much longer in his head.

"Wow, he works fast." Bobby said eyeing Dean as his eyes bled back to green as Sam pulled back and let him speak. "So do I have to worry about exorcisms getting rid of you or anything like that?"

"No, we have merged out souls into their true soul mate connection. Nothing will drive us out but death itself." Dean said smiling and then Sam whispered to him. He cocked his head to the side and moaned, Sam was whispering things he wanted to do with him and he was tempted. Dean cleared his throat and blushed bright red. "Sorry about that, Sam was telling me something." He looked away embarrassed but looked back quickly smiling happily again.

"Yeah, figured it was something like that." Bobby smirked eying Dean's blushing behavior, "Something naughty apparently. " He almost laughed as Dean nodded smiling softly, his love for the other shining through every inch of that smile.

"Well, there will be time for that later. I'm hungry and I bet you are too." Bobby said as he went to leave and let the others in to remove Sam's shell. "What do I call you now?" He was wondering how this whole thing would work now.

"Sam when he's in charge or looking out. Dean when it's me, the usual." Dean shrugged, and shivered as Sam pressed soft finger tips to his thigh and stroking up to his metaphysical groin, letting his hand hover there. Dean looked down and saw he was semi-hardening and excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"Sam, what are you doing? Can't this wait?" Dean grumbled as his mind self held Sam's hands away from him, calming down his body enough to come out of the bathroom now.

"I was testing a theory. Apparently, we can make love in here as us and I can use parts of your body that you are touching to create the connection there as well." Sam said, threading his fingers into Dean's enjoying his just being there with him.

"I don't understand." Dean said confused.

"Well, put it this way, when you touch yourself down there, I can let mine go into yours sort of like a sheath to a knife or push my metaphysical body forward into yours and when you touch wherever you touch, you will be making love to me. That kind of connection." Sam explained and blushed when he saw what Dean was up to. "Show me, Sammy, let me feel this connection." Dean stroked himself gently and Sam put his body into where he was touching. Dean began to stroke faster, press harder, and pulled on himself more and more, until Sam cried out his raging orgasm in a near scream , repeating Dean's name in Dean's head, eyes closed with the last remnant of the pleasure he had just experienced. Dean eyed his mate with lust filled eyes, taking in his body and pleasure soaked features. He kissed him gently and smiled, not unkindly. "Love you, Sammy, I will do more later, promise." Sam nodded still recovering and waved his lover away, letting his head loll back.

"Dean?" He asked as Dean went to move forward but stopped at the question.

"What,Sammy?" He eyed Sam smiling softly.

"That was amazing, what we just did. It never felt like that before, it was so… intense." Sam gasped, recalling the feelings.

"It really was, and I intend to do that and so much more to you later. But first we have to go feed our body and clean up. I haven't bathed or slept much in three day." Dean said, really hungry now and feeling more than a little grimy.

"Can I wash us?" Sam asked, suddenly inspired and grinned a grin that was pure sex at Dean.

"Oh, yeah. This time, you're the hand and I'm me. I have to see what that feels like." Dean grinned back and meant every word.

"Oh, you will. You definitely will. You do know we can do more things than that in here, right?" Sam asked blushing under Dean's heated look.

"Oh, I'm counting on it as a matter of fact." Dean smirked and turned to leave again.

"Dean?" Sam said firmly, and turned one last time to face Sam.

"Yes?" Dean asked waiting.

"Order a salad with that burger." Sam said firmly, "I don't want to lose our beautiful body. Besides I want to come out and eat too and I don't do French fries." Sam warned and Dean chuckled at his idea of a compromise. "So you'll eat a burger, Sammy." Sam nodded and approached Dean touching his face lovingly. "What's different? I thought for sure you would make me go vegetarian."

"Never Dean, I'll eat the salad and some of the burger and you do the same." Sam said nodding.

"Why?" Dean had to ask again.

"Because it's what you want, and if you want it that bad, I would never deny it to you. I would never deny you anything you really wanted, ever." Sam gave him a goodbye kiss and laid back down on the grass, sunlight highlighting his naked muscular body everywhere it touched which basically meant, well, literally everywhere.

"You ever going to where clothes in here, Sammy, like ever again?" Dean leered at his gorgeous mate, enjoying the view in a possessive, 'All Mine!' kind of way.

"Not in here." Sam purred and smiled, very satisfied with the effect he was having on Dean. "Never again, not here." Dean groaned then grinned, great, Sam was now a nudist and in Dean's head, that was not odd at all but then he realized, no, it really wasn't, it was perfect for them. He made up his mind right then and there to go about the same way when he was in here with Sam, it did feel nice not to worry about clothes and human stuff like that when he was here with Sam. "I'd never deny you anything you wanted, Dean."

"Me either. Tell me what you want and I'll make damn sure you get it." Dean vowed looking down at Sam, making a mental to make love to him on that soft grass later, under the bright sunshine of his memory.

"Just you, Dean. All I really want is you." Sam said, heart showing in his hazel eyes.

"You're so beautiful,Sammy, your soul, it's so beautifully you. All I want is you." Dean said feeling the need to say. Apparently soul-mates do have chick flick moments and don't care who knows. It must have been a brother thing rather that a soul-mates thing.

"And all I'll ever want is you, Dean, always and for all eternity, you." Sam vowed, laying out on the grass for a nap. Dean left and walked out of the bathroom stall, and looked at his watch just to be curious. He had only been in there with Sam for two minutes, not enough to be noticed at all. It felt like it had taken longer but maybe that's the way the whole sharing the noggin and body thing worked.

Dean smiled and went out to Bobby.

"So what are you boys in the mood for? They have some nice restaurants here in town, I'm buying." Bobby saw Dean's gleaming green eyes, knowing it was Dean he was addressing, quickly figuring out the subtle differences that told who was in charge of the body at any given time.

"Single bacon cheeseburger, not double," Dean had to smile at Bobby's shocked face. He had never ordered a singer meat patty anything in his whole life. The next thing made Bobby break out laughing even louder as they approached the Impala. "And a salad, a medium –sized one. My moose lover needs his rabbit food for the day." Bobby walked back to his car, gasping for breath from laughing so hard, and realized why. They were different now, their relationship so different than it used to be, but they were still themselves, their' bickering, teasing, picking on each other' selves. It was not what he was used to but if it let him have both his sons back in one piece, he was all for it.

They headed to the diner and felt happier than they had in months.

Hell was gone and the best part was to come.

The boys were no longer broken.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later on that night, as Dean laid his body down onto the bed and laid back, he closed his eyes and went to Sam immediately. Sam stood by a lake naked, getting ready to apparently skinny dip. Dean thought of removing his clothes and joining him. No sooner was it thought than it was reality. He was naked and next to Sammy, pulling him into the water with him, and watching him sputter in surprise and happiness.

"I'm so going to get you for that." Sam promised, pulling Dean to him, kissing down his neck, making him sigh in pleasure. The water let them slide against each and their groins joined in a dance of their own, rubbing into each other until they came with a loud cry of the other person's name. Dean pulled Sam out of the water and over to the grass again. He laid him down on it, face up. Dean kissed up and down every inch of Sam's glorious Soul body, until he had to stop to line up with him and push in, there was no pain in here, no physical pain or burning at all. Just the intensified pleasure of feeling himself inside Sam and feeling Sam's body clench orgasmically onto his thrusting hardness. Both of them moaning, kissing , and sucking every inch of flesh they could reach until Dean took Sam's hard, throbbing member into his hand and tugged and stroked it hard. Sam came with a loud cry, clamping down on Dean as he thrust in hard, pound the prostate until he came after Sam, coming again as he pulled out and the tightening edge caught him and pulled out another orgasm from them both.

Sam however had no intentions of stopping there. He took control of the body and walked them to the shower and started it up. He pulled his Axe body spray from the sink and began to lather the body, making Dean moan a little as he took the time to play with his nipples and on lower. Now Dean was moving the body parts he was in, up into those touches until Sam began to stroke their hard member and until Dean felt like he was being torn apart by the spirally pleasure pouring through him. Dean gave a mighty cry and his orgasm swept through him so intense it took a few minutes of sitting on the tub bottom with the water gently tapping his head to be able to move again to the bed.

Dean dried them off and walked back to the bed, smiling in a most satisfied way, knowing this was not wrong or a sin. Sam wasn't his brother anymore, he was his other half. His lover and his mate. The other Sam had died and left its shell but joined with him and completed the connection their soul-mate status required.

Sam had taken Dean when he was most broken and made him whole again.

They were together now and they were finally healed.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Please review.

I hope you liked my new take on their lives as soul-mates, besides I feel so bad that Castiel got smited and Gabriel is hurt and hated what Castiel went through.


	2. Made Whole

Sam and Dean lay on the soft grass, naked as always. The stars sparkling above them, the memory the one of the fourth of July when they had set off fireworks but they now settled for a cool starry night with a gentle breeze for this.

Sam loved it here, in Dean's body, sharing his life. Their souls joined and completed so perfectly.

Dean had begun to consider hunting again and Sam was afraid, afraid for him, afraid his life would be cut short and this world inside his body would end too soon. Sam sat up and began to play with the soft grass, weaving it together with his fingers, deep in thought, troubled. Dean slept next to him on the grass. They never dressed in here anymore, Dean having accepted that Sam's soul felt no need for clothing itself inside Dean's own head, decided to do the same for himself.

Sam did not feel Dean stir, his thoughts tumbling in on each other. He had said he would deny Dean nothing he would ever want but this…was different. Sam did not want this for them. He wanted a long life with old age, sharing this body with him for many years to come. Hunting would shorten that time and he hated the thought. It was Stanford all over again and this time Dean would go with him, wherever or whatever they decided.

Sam wished to visit the Grand Canyon memory and suddenly he was there, sitting on a high rock, looking around at the towering rock faces, looking down at the little stream that flowed down below, and the winding trails that wove artfully along the walls of the canyon. He laid his chin on his arm and let it rest there. He was unhappy with this decision and was avoiding telling Dean so. He didn't want this but had said he would do what Dean wanted. Deep in his heart, hunting felt wrong for them now. He wanted a home now, a real one, like here at Bobby's, where they lay resting on the bed upstairs. He didn't want the travelling or the motels anymore. That was the past. He wanted a stable and safe home for them now.

He didn't tell Dean this. Dean had said he was thinking of hunting again, and Sam wanted Dean to have what he wanted, even if Sam hated the idea of doing it. So he resolved to not tell him.

Dean had been asking what was wrong but Sam said nothing. Dean felt his unhappiness and tried to fix it but was unable to. He didn't know the cause. They were still close, still in love, still craved each other but there was a distance now, a barely felt empty place between them that contained all the things Sam was not saying. Dean felt the gulf there and wanted to close it but again did not know what it was that was causing the gulf. Dean was worried and so he resolved to spend more time with Sam, to try to coax the answers from him. So far Sam had ran away from these attempts but still remained loving to him. Dean knew something was there and was desperate to know.

He did not know Sam had taken over their body to talk to Bobby, clearly needing someone to talk to. He slept peacefully in the field on the grass.

"Bobby." Sam said sadly, "Are you busy?" Sam padded to the study door and looked in, his hazel eyes unhappy.

"Not really." Bobby looked at the eyes, and saw it was Sam. "What is it, Sam?"

"I need to talk." Sam said softly, conflicted and miserable.

"Come in, sit down." Bobby said waving him in. Even Bobby had seen how unhappy Sam had been lately whenever he showed up, Dean was becoming unhappy now too, worried about what was bothering Sam. Sam hadn't been forthcoming yet with what was wrong. Both men were hoping he would talk soon. "Tell me, Sam, what is wrong?"

"Me." Sam said sighing sadly.

"I don't understand." Bobby said shaking his head confused. How was Sam wrong?

"I promised Dean I would let him have whatever he wanted." Sam said looking down at his fingers that kept twining and untwining over and over in worry. His inner turmoil showed with those finger motions.

"And?" Bobby prompted, Sam wanted Dean happy but by making Dean happy, he was clearly making himself very unhappy. He knew Dean would never do anything to make Sam feel this way, so this was basically Sam hiding his feelings again and making himself unhappy. Sam was one stubborn soul!

"I don't want us to hunt." Sam cried a little now, feeling like he was betraying Dean by not wanting what he wanted. Their wants and desires usually matched perfectly but this one thing was knocking them out of sync.

"Oh." Bobby said softly, so that was it. Dean had said a few days ago he wanted to hunt again and Sam had agreed he should. Clearly he had only said it to please Dean. This was too big an issue to approach that way. Sam really needed to tell Dean this, it was tearing them up inside.

"I want a home, a stable home, here with you guys." Sam began to cry out his misery now, "I can't tell Dean this, he wants to hunt, and I don't. I want to live a long time with him this way but if we hunt, well, we'll end this life so much sooner. We just got this and hunting could take it away. I can hunt well but I don't want to anymore, I've done that enough. I want to settle down, work on research, have a home life, and be happy with Dean." He hung his head and Bobby came over to him, pulling him up into his arms, letting him cry.

Sam had never wanted to hunt, it was always Dean who had wanted that. Sam just hunted before because Dean needed him to hunt with him. Sam had always craved something more permanent, more his own, he always had. Bobby reflected.

"Why didn't you just tell me that?" Dean said from behind Sam as he cried against Bobby. Sam stopped crying suddenly and gasped in surprise. Bobby guessed that Dean had woken up and heard what Sam had said. He let go of the boy and let him lay down on the window seat, closing his eyes so he could commune with Dean inside their head.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They were in the field again, stars glittering above them. Dean's eyes bore into Sam's, worried about him.

"Why didn't you say so?" Dean muttered, knowing why the moment he said it. Sam had said he would never deny Dean anything he really wanted and had meant every word, even if it was killing him to give into the request .

"You really want this, and I don't. I said that I would deny you nothing, I meant it." Sam said playing with the grass at his feet, avoiding eye contact. He wanted to cry again.

"I didn't mean at the cost of your own happiness, our happiness. I never wanted to that!" Dean groaned and sighed, Sam had decided to ignore his own happiness for Dean's. Unfortunately, Dean's happiness was so tied to Sam's that he was now unhappy too. They were recreating the snake that kept eating itself again. Dean was damn sure that was not going to happen anymore!

Dean pulled Sam's head to look at him and saw the tears of unhappiness there, those tears breaking him a little, making him want to take his pain away. "This is one instance you should have just said you didn't agree with me. This is a big deal, we should have an agreement between us before we make these big decisions."

"Didn't want to disappoint you…again. Like I used to." Sam said, his eyes searching Dean's, pleading he would understand. "We saved the world already. We hunted down everything there was to hunt. I got chosen by Azazel because of my Hunting skills. I was chosen by Lucifer because of it. We've torn ourselves apart too many damn times because of all this hunting and demon shit! We've done enough. We've earned the right to say we've done enough! Damn it, Baby!" Sam shook his head upsetting himself further with his outburst. He had been holding this in for a while now and it was all coming out. "Besides you're all alone out there now, Dean. I can't help you from in here. I don't want to see you die young, Dean, like I did."

Sam took another breathe and continued, "I want a real home, to stay in one place, to not travel down roads anymore, or stay in dingy motels, , or to eat the diner food again. I want a home for us, where we grow old together, not die young from hunting."

"I said I would give you anything you wanted, that's why I didn't say anything." Sam finished. He looked at Dean and leaned in to kiss him gently, "I love you, Dean, and I want the whole 'sit on the porch as an old man' thing for us. I am done hunting. Hunting killed me, took my body and my mind, and broke both in the end. My life is with you now, I want a stable home for us, here with Bobby." Sam sighed as Dean pulled him into his arms and held him close. Sam leaned into Dean's chest and stayed there, needing the contact right now. "I don't want to hunt anymore. I don't want you to hunt anymore. I'm sorry I didn't say it sooner. I won't go back to hat again, not in that capacity. I will research and that kind of work but no more of that. I know I have no right to ask that of you but that is how I feel. I can't lose you now, Baby, not after I just got you the way we've needed to be for so long. I can't do this."

"Damn it, Sam, you never disappointed me, ever. You don't want us to hunt then that's what we'll do Sammy. We won't hunt again. We'll stay here and help Bobby." Dean said kissing away Sam's tears, wiping his face off.

"But it's what you want, you said so." Sam said unhappily.

"It's what I thought I wanted. I was wrong. What I really want is a long happy life with you and a real home here with Bobby sound wonderful, like the right thing for us. The hunting did us in before, we've earned our retirement." Dean pulled Sam into him and kissed him hard, pouring all his love into that kiss, all his need for the man. Sam was left gasping for more when Dean stopped. "We need to go upstairs for this." Dean whispered to Sam. Sure, the love making would be in his body and head but it was still better to do it with your body stashed somewhere private.

Sam had to push aside his desire to ask, "So, no more hunting, just research?" Dean nodded and Sam felt all his unhappiness disappearing now. Joy and love for the man he loved filled his heart, and he smiled widely, kissing Dean with abandon and a desperate need to reconnect again. 

Dean let Sam push their body down onto the bed and undress it. He pulled Dean's soul back into the sunny field again, onto that soft grass, this time next to the creek in the trees where they used to play as a kid. He bit into Dean's neck hard and sucked on the bite, Dean cried out with a loud moan as the pleasure of Sam sucking on the bite drove through him, Sam's hands splaying on his body, pushing harder, stroking harder, grasping him closer, so roughly if this had been his real body, he would be bruised from it. As it was, Sam was driving him insane with his desperate and needy touches. His lips came to kiss every rough touch, soothing each deep mark, biting him gently wherever he touched, wherever he kissed.

Dean arched into the ministrations, desire spurring him into madness, taking away his control. Sam took him into his mouth and began to suck on Dean's hard member, greedily grasping and stroking every part of it, moaning his pleasure at doing it into Dean with Dean moaned Sam's name, need making him feel an urgent need to have Sam now, take Sam now, be inside him now! Sam moaned with the same need to take Dean but wanted to feel Dean inside him first, rough, hard, and deeply thrusting, not being gently, not being careful.

Sam let go of Dean and went to kiss him. Dean kissed him roughly, tasting himself in there. Sam stopped the kiss, eyes glazed with his desperate need to taken roughly, not be carefully take care of, to be claimed and to claim. Dean pushed him onto his stomach, propping up his bottom while lowering his top. He pushed into Sam with one hard thrust and pounded his need into him, drawing out Sam's need to join his own. This was no gentle joining but a violent, need driven moment, a rough moment filled with the desperation to reconnect what was disconnected in the hardest and most urgent way they knew. They growled each other's names and used curses and obscenities. It was downright dirty and filthy, sweaty and mindless pleasure only driven sex. They moaned and screamed out their need, their flesh slapping together loudly, their moans and cries reaching a fever pitch until they collapsed finally, screaming out their releases at an ear drum breaking level.

They separated enough to pant and come down from the amazing orgasms they had just had. Then Dean pounced on Sam, whose eyes were still half lidded from what they had just done. He took his mouth and kissed it hard then got softer, coaxing out soft sounds from the man, making Sam's hands pull him in closer and kissing him harder back. Their bodies seemed to find each other and move into each other, rubbing and sliding against each other.

Dean stopped the kiss and looked down at Sam, serious and hot all at the same time.

"I am going to show you…" He let himself rub hard against Sam, both hard now and sliding against each other. "how much you really mean to me.." he did it again, "I am going to show you…" did it again, "how much your happiness means to me and how…" He pressed harder against Sam now and deliberately dug his own into Sam, making him moan louder, his hands going to Dean's bottom, "by making yourself unhappy to make me happy…"Sam pulled him hard against him and rubbed a little faster into Dean, catching on to what he was doing now. "just ends up making us both unhappy. But most of all," Dean's head arch back a little as Sam slid a finger into him and pushed it deeper into him, barely grazing his prostate, "how you need to realize that…" Sam slid in another and Dean pushed back onto them, thrusting while trying to concentrate on what he was doing. " your happiness and what you need, what we need…" Sam added another finger, thrusting them in faster, Dean's hips pushing fast against them, his breath coming faster now, almost panting with building desire, "matters more to me than anything in the world." Dean now writhed and moaned as he screwed himself onto Sam's fingers, and Sam thrust himself against Dean's hardness harder and faster than before.

"Sam, Sam, please, now, now, I can't take much more, Please Baby, now!" He could feel his release building in his groin and bit his lip to slow it. Sam removed his fingers and positioned himself behind Dean. Dean breathed a sigh of relief, trying to pull himself back from his release, he wanted to make it last longer. That thought was derailed as Sam roughly moved into him and thrust slowly and shallowly into him, not filling him yet, making him buck into him, Dean's body needing more but Sam denying it.

"Touch yourself, Dean, stroke yourself for me." Sam ordered him and bit and sucked on his neck by his ear. Dean promptly wrapped his hand around himself and squeezed it gently, stroking it slowly, trying to find a rhythm to match Sam's slow thrusts. He felt the pleasure build again as Sam got gradually faster and eventually threw his head back, lost in the sensations obviously, and pumped into Dean harder and faster until it matched the pace that Dean had done with Sam. Dean fisted himself faster and harder now to match the speed of Sam until his release shot out of him, making his body arch back with every thrust, every pound to his prostate. His mind when white and lost all ability to think beyond the desire to come, to come with Sam inside him, and his head shot back, moaning loudly and begging Sam to come with him, he was going to come now!

Sam pulled his upper body up to press against his chest, keeping up his thrusts, replacing Dean's hand with his own, fisting Dean in strokes that more than met the speed and intensity of his thrusts into his body. Dean felt the pleasure and orgasm pour up him, through him, and deepen into a black hole that sucked him into its pleasurous depths.

"Oh, Sam, damn Sam, oh, oh, Sam, baby, oh, SAMSAMSAMSAM…I'm coming… come, Sammy, come with me, damn damn damn damn, SAMMMMYYYYYYYYYY!" Dean came like lava shooting from an active volcano, his body straightening, slamming into Sam's hard chest, hands clench Sam's hips pulling his hard into him, deep to his prostate , punching his pleasure spot like a fist hitting a jaw and impaling him onto it, one last time, His head shot back into Sam's shoulder, hitting it hard, bouncing off, and Sam sunk his teeth into his shoulder with all his strength, barely failing to break the skin, and sucked hard on the bite in such a way a Vampire would have been jealous of him in the moment!

All of what Dean did drove him over the edge with him, slamming his chest into Dean's back, mouth biting the already red bite, breaking the skin, the blood dripping into his mouth, His hands helping Dean impale himself on him, as if trying to drive himself not just against but actually through Dean's prostate! He came through bloody teeth and lips, "Deeeaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnn, oh,Deaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnn!". Sam's hand had Dean's coming member in such a hard, stroking death grip, Dean found himself coming just as hard one more time, pulling Sammy over the edge with him one more time with equal intensity, biting and sucking at the now flowing wound on Dean's soul's shoulder. Blood, sweat, and come covered their bodies now but they didn't care. They fell bonelessly to the ground and stayed connected, Sam holding Dean to him in a death grip. They fell asleep that way and slept well.

After a while, they stirred but Dean made sure to kiss the blood from Sam's mouth before he could magic it way, kissing him hard once the taste was gone and all he could taste was him and Sam in that sexy mouth. Sam watched as the wound began to poof away and stabbed a finger hard into it before it did, sucking the blood from it slowly and deliberately, Dean grinning at him knowing he had found one of Sam's kinks, one he possibly had before he ever met Ruby or any demon, a kink that was obviously all Sam's. He found it amusing he had a similar kink, he had found the bite to be so freaking wonderful feeling it had made him come just by feeling Sam's mouth sucking on it hard, his teeth drawing out more.

"Wow, baby, we got a little kinky there, didn't we?" Dean said with a husky growl, not in the least bit sorry for it. The wound was gone now, obviously a product of their mutual desire to add that little kink to their sex at that time. The world in his head provided what they needed the moment they needed it, that's what had made it all work this time.

"Yeah, we should do that again sometime. You like it rough don't you?" Sam chuckled as Dean's blush, knowing that sometimes that was exactly what Dean wanted, what Sam wanted too.

"It feels good that way, feels freaking amazing sometimes. You always make me feel good, Sam, even when we're not having mad violent, kinky sex, or when we are making love, " Dean looked Sam in the eyes and kissed him gently on the lips, adoration shining in his sex drugged face and eyes, "or just having you here and knowing you are mine, knowing you are happy, that you love me no matter how bad I've acted or how out of control things got, you loved me! It feels good being with you, soul to soul, this connection we have. When you're unhappy, I feel it and it makes me unhappy. It gets us out of sync with each other." He kissed the man one more time and said in a very serious way, "Don't do that to us again, Sammy, it only hurts both of us. If you are unhappy about one of my decisions, you tell me and we will talk about it and figure it out together. I would forever regret making a decision if it meant hurting you that much again. It hurts me too when you do. We hurt each other when we get out of sync." Sam looked down knowing he had hurt Dean by not leveling with him to begin with, not telling him how he really felt about his decision. Dean could never be happy if his decision hurt Sam, he just couldn't.

"I'm sorry, I just…" Sam lost his words there, pulling Dean into his arms and hugging him, "So sorry!"

"I take it that's a promise?" Dean said teasingly, stroking Sam's back and hair as he held him.

"Yes, hell, yes." Sam said softly.

"Does that mean we can do that again some other time then, because, Sam, that was the most intense spectacular, frikkin amazing sex we have ever had. We have to do that again!" Dean smirked as Sam pulled away a little to look at Dean proudly, knowing he had given him that 'intense, spectacular, frikkin amazing sex' and all concurrent orgasmic feelings afterward. He was glad he had done it and he was glad to have Dean as his, forever.

"Even the biting thing? The blood thing?" Sam asked raising an eyebrow at Dean. The bite part had been fun.

"Especially that." Dean nodded enthusiastically and cuddled into Sam, spooning deeply into his body and sighing happily. Sam sighed too and kissed his hair, stroking his arm until he reached Dean's hand and their hands entwined, pulling Dean in even closer. Sam and Dean drifted off to sleep this way, a smile on their lips. Their mouth, on their real body, smiled as well, and they slept for the night; happy for once that another day would never come where they would have to hurry out on a hunt ever again.

They had a home here with Bobby and could stay forever.

It was permanent.

It was their home.

It was theirs.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bobby peaked in on Dean and saw his body smiling happily, so content. He was glad Sam had spoken up because if he hadn't , Bobby would have.

Bobby hadn't wanted Dean to hunt anymore either.

Those boys had lost too much to hunting as it was.

It was time they found a home.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

They lived to an old age and Dean was often seen happily working in the yard long after Bobby had died of old age and left him the property. They still helped with information for other hunters but, true to their words to each other, never took up hunting ever again.

When Dean passed, they both returned to their Heaven, their souls holding onto each other with such joy.

True to his word, Sam and Dean were born again to the Earth eventually.

This time as a man and a woman, who found each other soon after. They had three children in that life and were together until the end of their days, never to be related like the others had made them be born the last time, never again being the new rule.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Eternity unspooled before these sacred soulmates and they loved it.

It felt like finding their home again.

It made them whole.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx


End file.
